As a wedding planner, I’ve seen the very best of wedding guests, and I’ve also learnt what wedding guests shouldn’t do. The ones who throw themselves onto the dance floor, chat to people they’ve never met before, and just make the day enjoyable are the best tupes of guests! People who are genuinely happy and excited for the couple. But we’ve also seen the opposite, with behaviour people must clearly think is ok…
The truth is, most guests never set out to be difficult. Usually it’s a throwaway comment, a bit of thoughtlessness or someone forgetting that this isn’t just another party, it’s one of the biggest days of your lives. Months, and often years, have gone into planning every little detail of your day, so below is my advice for all wedding guests! Feel free to share it! Even put the link on your invites! So you can have a day you enjoy!
Don’t wear white
Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first.
Unless the couple has specifically asked everyone to wear white, just don’t do it. That also applies to ivory, cream, champagne or anything that photographs as white. There are thousands of other colours to choose from, so leave this one for the bride.
Don’t complain to the couple
This is probably one of the biggest ones. If you didn’t enjoy your meal, you think the drinks are too expensive, the weather isn’t ideal or you’ve had to queue at the bar for ten minutes, please don’t go and tell the couple.
They’re not going to be able to change any of those things, and all you’ve done is plant a worry in their mind that they absolutely didn’t need on their wedding day. If something genuinely needs sorting, speak to the wedding planner, venue or a member of staff. That’s exactly why we’re there.
Don’t take things home
That lovely wine glass? The charger plate? The candle holder? It might look like a lovely keepsake, but chances are it’s been hired, and if it goes missing the couple gets charged for it.
I’ve seen couples receive invoices after their wedding because items have disappeared throughout the day, so unless you’ve specifically been told it’s yours to take home, leave it where it is.
Photo by Phoebe Jane Photography
Don’t be late
Whether it’s arriving late to the ceremony or wandering back twenty minutes after everyone else from the drinks reception, timing really does matter. The whole day runs to a schedule, and when guests are late it has a knock-on effect on everything else. Leave yourself plenty of time, allow for traffic and remember that it’s far better to arrive early and grab a drink than come rushing in halfway through the vows.
Reply to your RSVP on time
I promise the couple aren’t chasing you because they’re bored. Your RSVP deadline is linked to catering numbers, table plans, stationery, dietary requirements and final invoices. Every late response means more admin for the couple and often delays decisions they need to make. If you know whether you’re coming, let them know.
If your child is upset, take them outside
Children can be absolutely wonderful at weddings, but if they’re crying during the ceremony, speeches or another important moment, it’s always appreciated if you quietly step outside until they’ve settled. Nobody will judge you for doing that. In fact, most people will appreciate it.
Respect a child-free wedding
Not every wedding is designed for children, and that’s completely okay. Whether it’s because of the venue, the budget or simply the atmosphere the couple want to create, it’s their decision. You don’t have to agree with it, but please don’t spend the day telling them how disappointed you are or trying to negotiate exceptions.
Don’t tell the couple about problems you’ve already solved
This happens surprisingly often. A guest will proudly tell the couple that the florist spilt water on a tablecloth or that something went wrong with the cake, before quickly adding, “Don’t worry, I sorted it.” While you’re probably hoping they’ll thank you, what you’ve actually done is make them worry about something they otherwise would never have known about. If it’s been dealt with, leave it there. If it still needs sorting, tell the planner—not the couple.
Don’t complain about paying for drinks
By the time you’ve enjoyed your ceremony drinks, wine with dinner, toast drinks and evening food, the couple have already spent a significant amount hosting you.
If there’s a cash bar later in the evening, that’s absolutely their choice. Weddings are incredibly expensive, and providing unlimited drinks all day simply isn’t possible for every budget.
Photo by Phoebe Jane Photography
Respect the dress code
If the invitation says black tie, wear black tie. If it says lounge suits, don’t turn up in jeans.
Dress codes aren’t there to make life difficult—they’re part of the overall vision the couple have spent months creating, and making a small effort shows respect for that.
Don’t expect a plus one
Guest lists are one of the hardest parts of wedding planning, and every extra guest comes with an additional cost. If you’ve been dating someone for a couple of months and the couple haven’t even met them, please don’t assume they’ll automatically be invited. If your invitation doesn’t include a plus one, don’t put the couple in the awkward position of having to explain why.
Be kind to the suppliers
This one is close to my heart. Wedding suppliers work incredibly hard behind the scenes, often for 12 to 16 hours, to make sure everything runs seamlessly. Please don’t be rude to the photographer because they’re organising family photos, the caterers because dinner is taking a few extra minutes, or the planner because we’re asking everyone to move into the next room. And yes… I’m particularly talking to certain enthusiastic parents who suddenly think they’re running the wedding.
Don’t be unnecessarily fussy about the food
The couple have probably spent months choosing their menu, attending tastings and trying to cater for as many people as possible. Unless you have a genuine allergy or dietary requirement, try to embrace what’s been chosen rather than commenting on everything you would have preferred.
Tell the couple about dietary requirements in advance
On the flip side, if you do have dietary requirements, tell the couple before the deadline.
Turning up on the day expecting the caterers to produce a gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan alternative that nobody knew about simply isn’t realistic.
Leave the family drama at home
Every family has its dynamics. If there’s someone you don’t get on with, avoid them. You don’t need to spend the entire evening together, but equally, a wedding isn’t the place to reopen old arguments or create unnecessary tension. The couple deserve better than that.
Stop complaining about the seating plan
I can assure you, the seating plan wasn’t put together in five minutes.
It’s usually one of the most stressful jobs of the entire planning process. Couples spend hours working out who will get on, which families should be separated and how to keep everyone happy. Sometimes that means you won’t be sitting exactly where you’d like—but that’s okay.
Don’t swap seats
This isn’t just about convenience. Many weddings now have choice menus or dietary requirements linked to individual seats, so when guests decide to swap places halfway through dinner, it creates chaos for the catering team and increases the chance of someone receiving the wrong meal. Stay where you’ve been seated.
Photo by Jamie Dunn
Listen to the MC or planner
When we’re asking guests to take their seats, move outside for confetti or make their way into the next room, we’re not doing it to be bossy. We’re trying to keep the day running on time so the couple actually get to enjoy everything they’ve planned. A five-minute delay here and there soon becomes half an hour.
Know your limits
Nobody expects you not to enjoy yourself. Have a drink, have a dance and celebrate properly—but know when enough is enough. Every wedding has that one guest who has one too many and suddenly becomes everyone’s main talking point. Trust me, that’s not the legacy you want to leave.
Don’t create your own family photo list
The photographer will already have a carefully planned list of group photographs that the couple have agreed in advance. Please don’t keep grabbing the couple to say, “You haven’t had one with Uncle Bernie yet!” Every extra photo adds time, delays the drinks reception and often means the couple spend less time actually enjoying their wedding. If they wanted that photo, it’ll almost certainly already be on the list.
At the end of the day, being a great wedding guest isn’t difficult. Turn up on time, respect the couple’s choices, be kind to the people working hard behind the scenes and remember that the day isn’t about you.
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If every guest did those four things, weddings would run more smoothly, suppliers would go home happier, and most importantly, couples would spend their wedding day making memories instead of dealing with unnecessary stress. And that’s exactly how it should be. Need help with your wedding guests? Get in touch!