Bridesmaids – One of the first things which will spring to your mind as soon as you get that ring on your finger is right, who are my bridesmaids going to be? You may have even spoken to certain friends to say ‘when I’m getting married, you will be my bridesmaid’. But should making someone be a bridesmaid be such an easy decision? Should we be making people our bridesmaids just because we feel they should be, because they are our sister, niece, auntie, cousin, or because we’ve been friends for so long?? My answer: NO!
I absolutely love the Urban Dictionary’s definition of a Bridesmaid: “A woman who is the sister I never got, a best friend in every way possible, an amazing lady who I want to share my special day standing next to me”
As a London wedding planner, with 15 years’ experience in the industry, I have seen and heard it ALL and what I will say is that one of the biggest things couples say cause them stress during their planning, is yup, you’ve guessed it, their bridesmaids. From being difficult about what dress they are wearing, to making zero effort with the hen, and just being plain jealous that the day is all about you, your bridesmaids can really cause some dramas, and seriously here, some upset and stress to you. So how can we avoid that? Well firstly, let’s look at what your bridesmaid is actually there to do:
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What is the purpose of your Bridesmaids?
Your Bridemaids Support
These people are your TEAM!! Whether you’ve had a bad dream in the night that you walk down the aisle with your dress on, or if you’re panicking that your hair isn’t going to go right, your bridal party need to be there to give you any support, be there to wipe away the tears and tell you that it will all be ok! You should be able to trust them with any worries or concerns you have without feeling silly or like they won’t care. They should be bigging you up at all possible opportunities to make sure you feel amazing on the day!
- Plan the hen party!
While you have the job of planning your wedding day, plus organising a honeymoon and many other factors involved with a wedding, there is no way you are also going to want to deal with the hassle of the hen party. Of course, it’s a good idea to speak with your bridal party about what you would like (although these people should all know exactly what would suit you! If they don’t, they shouldn’t be a bridesmaid) and also who you would like to invite and an ideal budget per person, but the rest should be down to them. Sorting dates, location, and all the other details for a big group of people can be super stressful – put this on your bridal party and not on yourself!
Assistance with planning
Whether it’s helping you shop for your dress, or just giving their advice on a decision you aren’t sure of, your team should be there to help with anything you aren’t sure of. They can be a real help with those questions where you think, what would people expect, ie. if you should have credit behind the bar, if you should opt for gin instead of wine on the tables – you get the idea! They should be your first port of call to send a message to for opinions, without any worry of judgement.
Support on the morning of the wedding from your Bridesmaids
It’s the morning of the wedding. It’s an exciting but also nerve-wracking for you. These bridesmaids should be there at your beck and call! Not worrying about themselves! You don’t want to hear any utter of them moaning how they look or how they haven’t lost enough weight. A bridesmaid’s job is to make sure every part of your morning is positive and enjoyable, even if you are a nervous wreck or a ‘bride/groom-zilla’, they should take it all in their stride!
Help and advice
Similar to support and help with planning, but this goes deeper. If you generally need this person’s advice, on something such as what you are wearing, you will need to feel comfortable asking them. If you have a family situation that you are concerned about, you should be able to freely talk about it to them. And you should always get a good reaction from this person and shouldn’t just make you feel worse with their negative reactions. If you are worried about how a guest will be on the day, it is for your bridesmaids to make sure they don’t cause any issues, and if they do, then it is quickly resolved and you don’t notice. It is your bridesmaid’s job to be fully there for you and to be able to be trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets!
So, how should I choose from bridesmaids?
Use the list above and really think about if the person you are thinking of would fit those job roles! Never choose somebody just because you think you have to have them.
What should I expect to pay for my bridesmaids?
Expect to pay for everything they need – dresses, hair, makeup. Most bridesmaids will be happy to provide their own shoes/jewellery or use ones they already have. If you are asking them to be bridesmaids, it’s difficult to then ask for this to become an expense to them. For makeup, many will be happy to do this themselves so this could be a saving, or you can get quotes so they can have it if they wish and pay for that themselves. If you decide to hire a house or hotel rooms for the night prior to have a night with all your bridesmaids, make sure this is also covered by you and is in your budget. For your hen party, leave this for your bridesmaids to discuss how much your guests are willing to spend and leave this to them to then arrange around everyone’s budgets. For your hen, you should only be paying for yourself, but only expect guests to spend what they have said they are happy to spend.